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Taco Bell Beefer
from The Reeducation
of a Turd Peddler
by John Henry Peabody
Today it would
be difficult to imagine Taco Bell, or any of Californias mission-style
shopping malls, as the thatched roof, hole-in-the-ground establishments
that Junipero Serras original missions were. Not until the introduction
of the fireproof, red tile roofs introduced by Padre Fermín
Francisco de LasuénSerras replacementdid
the look of the California missions begin to take form.
Father Junipero Serra may have founded the California mission system,
but Fray Lasuéns engineered the Bell Beefer.
From
Whole Stole Junipero Serras
Heart in a Jar?
by John Graham
I WAS SITTING IN a Taco Bell, off 101, watching Sean
and Darby haggle with the young lady
behind the register.
No more Bell Beefers? Sean was incredulous.
That thing built Taco Bell, mam. The Bell Beefer is the Bells
answer to the Quarter Pounder.
And Im concerned that there are no more Enchiritos,
Darby offered. When did you stop serving Enchiritos?
Im not sure, sir, the young woman said.
Ive never heard of one.
Maybe youre confusing the item with a girl you
dated, Sean told Darb. Didnt you date
a girl named Enchirito? Wasnt that her familys name?
I dated a girl from Encinitas, Pelican boy. The Enchirito
is different.
What is the Enchirito then? Sean asked him.
How does it compareyou know, the way that the Bell Beefer
is to the Quarter Pounderwhats the equivalent to the Enchirito?
Sean thought about it. The Enchirito, Heaney, has
no comparison. Why are you trying to stump me? Maybe, and just maybe,
the Enchirito could be thought of as a cross between the Hot N
Spicey and a wrap, if McDonalds did wraps.
You got anything like that? Sean asked her.
She looked at the two of them. You mean a taco?
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